Fad Diet or New Lifestyle?

For the first 20-ish years of my life, I struggled to gain weight.  Let that settle in for a minute.  I struggled to GAIN weight.  I weighed less than 100 pounds for most of that time.  I was called skinny and my nickname was Beanpole. There were other nicknames that I just won't mention here.  People can be just as mean to skinny kids as they are to fat kids.

That all changed when I was in  my very early 20s and had an infection in my thyroid.  My metabolism slowed wayyyyyy down and I gained 15 pounds in just a few weeks.  Honestly, I thought the weight looked great on me and I wasn't teased anymore, so it all felt good... for a couple of years.  Slowly, more and more weight crept on and I didn't do much of anything about it. I got married and had my two kiddos before I was 30.  At one point I weighed just shy of 190 pounds.

At 30, I got divorced and decided that I needed to feel better about myself.  I lost 30 pounds and hit a plateau.  I met a new guy (now my husband) and we dieted together.  I lost another 10 pounds.  And another 10 pounds.  My weight continued to go away and come back.  I would lose 10 pounds, but some of those were pounds I'd lost before.

My younger sister lost weight, got healthy, and maintained her new svelte body.  I want that.. maybe I'll never be a size 4, but I want to feel great and have energy.  She did it by using The 17 Day Diet, so I asked to borrow her book.  After reading it (and, of course, researching online), I decided to go for it.  The basics of the diet are meant to help you incorporate good food choices into your life.  It feels like a combination of a few diets I've used before.  However, using the word "diet" generally makes me think of a temporary change in my eating habits.  It's never been something I could keep up with forever.  This one seems different, though.  I like the phases and the fact that I can still have splurge days after I've met my goal.  The expectation is not that I will forever be eating salads, but that I will learn portion control and make healthier choices.

It helps that Bill is doing this with me, too, and the kiddos will eat what we're eating with the addition of some extra healthy carb servings--fruit, tortillas, whole grain bread, milk, etc.

My goals:  Feel good, have day-long energy, get my blood glucose numbers under control, and of course, lose weight.

Day 1 of the first cycle of the 17 Day Diet:

Weight lost -- 0

Blood Glucose reading this morning -- 198 (yes, that's fasting)

Thoughts -- I'm hungry, but in good spirits.  I'm going to bed hungry because I'm not eating a bedtime snack.  I'll try to regulate things better tomorrow so I can feel more full.  Today was the beginning.  It's definitely do-able.  I'm much happier with it than Bill is.

Stay tuned.  I might get this blogging thing down yet!

Low Country Boil

I really am bad at this blogging thing. I don't post often and I forget to take pictures of the things I want to blog about! However, I did take a couple of pictures tonight when I made my Low Country Boil, so here it is...

First, let me say that I used a recipe for inspiration (thank you, Pinterest) and that recipe can be found here:  http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/1030/Slow-Low-Country-Boil99311.shtml

Now, on to the cooking!

I started with my favorite slow cooker. It's one of those huge oval ones and you'll need one that size if you plan to make this.  In fact, my slow cooker wasn't even big enough and I had to... well, I'll get to that in a minute.  Anyway, get your biggest slow cooker ready to go by putting a liner in it.  If you don't know what a slow cooker liner is, check your local market near the plastic wrap and aluminum foil. At our store, it's usually on the bottom shelf near the oven bags.  They are little lifesavers in a box!

Pour 4 quarts of cold water into your slow cooker.  Add 1/4 cup Old Bay seasoning, 1 Tablespoon kosher salt (I will put less salt next time), 1 diced sweet onion, and 1 whole head of garlic that you've cut in half across its equator (as opposed to it's prime and 180th meridians).

Did I mention I'm going to be teaching a section of Social Studies in addition to Science next year?

I actually cut my garlic along both it's meridians and its equator, then slid it into my Pampered Chef Herb Infuser:

That way, I didn't have to worry about the papery skin getting on everything and I still got all of the delicious garlicky goodness.

Did I mention that I am a Pampered Chef consultant?

So here I am with my broth looking like water and me wondering why in the hell anyone would put 1/4 cup of Old Bay in one dish, but trusting the recipe stars to lead me in the right direction.  I cut my 2-1/2 pounds of red potatoes in half (I actually quartered some of the larger ones, but found later that it wasn't necessary).  The potatoes went into the broth.

Cook the whole thing on low for about 6 hours.  You could probably get by with less time, but this worked for me.  After 6 hours, shuck 4 ears of corn and cut each ear into 4 pieces.  Throw those in the slow cooker.  Now, at this point, I had to remove about a quart of broth because we were almost at overflow.  I just spooned it into my huge stock pot and set it in the fridge for later.  Cut up 2 pounds of smoked sausage into Low-Country-Boil-size pieces (the recipe suggests 1-1/2 inch pieces).  I think you know what to do with it... Throw it in the slow cooker.  I turned mine up to high and left it in there while I ran over to the Farmer's Market.

Did I mention that our Farmer's Market sets up on Tuesdays in front of Kmart now?  They'll be there for the next 8 weeks!

About an hour later, I was back home and transferred the whole thing from my slow cooker to my huge stock pot, which was now sitting on the stove.  I set the burner pretty high so the cold broth could heat, but as soon as it started boiling, I turned the heat down to a low simmer.  About 15 minutes before we were ready to eat I added 2 pounds of large shrimp that were in the shell, but deveined.  It only took a few minutes--seriously, only about 3 minutes--for the shrimp to turn pink and become opaque.

I used my taster spoon (not a Pampered Chef item) to test the broth.  It was very salty.  I also wanted a little more of a kick than the Old Bay was giving, so I sprinkled in some Creole seasoning (a Pampered Chef seasoning) and some fresh ground pepper and at the very end, I decided to throw in some Hot Shot, which is a red and black pepper mixture.  I don't measure my seasonings very often, so I apologize for the vagueness of that part--if you're in doubt, then add some and taste, add some more and taste, add some more and taste... you get the picture.  Speaking of pictures, here's  what my taster spoon looks like:

I got this at Kohl's a few years ago for about $5.

At this point, here's what I have in my stock pot:

I took the Herb Infuser out of the pot and set it aside.  If you want even more garlicky goodness, you could take the garlic out of the infuser and squeeze the cooked garlic from the hull, then mix it back into the pot before serving.  I didn't do that.

I served mine right away, straight from the pot with the broth on it.  We LOVED it that way.  However, the traditional way to serve a Low Country Boil is to drain the broth off, either with a colander or in a more "authentic" way told to me by my good friend Robb:  Set yourself up an old door across a couple of saw horses and pour the whole pot over your make-shift table.  Then call everyone with your big ol' dinner bell so they can "Come an' get it!"  That sounds amazing to me and it might be the basis of a future party...

So there you have it.  This was absolutely one of the most delicious things I've ever tasted!  We soaked up the broth with some wheat rolls and ate the rest of it with forks and fingers.  Messy tasty fun in a pot!

We're not grape-pickers, but we love their skillet dinner!

Bacon just keeps bringing wonderful things to my life.  If there was a religion of bacon followers, I would be a believer.  I originally posted this bold affirmation on Facebook because it's true, of course.

Disclaimer (and small tangent):  I'm not biased against people who don't like bacon. I just don't understand it.  I've met only one person in my life who honestly did not like the taste of bacon (and she was obviouslywrong).  I've met several people who don't eat bacon for various religious, cultural, or health reasons.  That doesn't mean they don't love it... they just don't know they love it.

That post lead to this comment from my friend Robb:  "Don't know if you've seen this recipe, Shelley. Its really good and has bacon in it. http://db.tt/Ip7rsWOr"

And so it began... my obsession with this recipe.  I read it and thought it sounded delicious.  I planned on trying it soon because a) I already stated that it sounded delicious--I shouldn't have to say it again, and b) it combines chicken, bacon, and an iron skillet--three of my favorite things.  Then I realized that I was thinking and talking about this recipe like it was a vacation destination.  The more I talked about it and looked over the recipe, the more I wanted to make it--right now.  How could I not want to make it with this opening description?

"Named for the 'peasant' dish of layered potatoes encased in bacon, this dish was a favorite of grape pickers in France's Burgundy region."  Potatoes encased in bacon?? ENCASED in bacon. 

Oh.my.goodness.

Finally, I made it to the store to get some leeks and Gruyere cheese so you, my dearest of dear blog-reader, get to travel on the delicious adventure with me.

In the spotlight:  Grape Pickers Skillet with Chicken

I will repeat that I'm not a great blogger or a great photographer.  In fact, I did not take any pictures of the making of the meal... only one of the final product.  I must have gotten too excited to grab the camera.  For pictures of the process, you could follow the link that Robb posted (above).  I found the picture of how to position the bacon especially helpful.

Side note:  Don't be intimidated by new ingredients.  I'd never used leeks or Gruyere cheese before, but I will be finding more uses for both because they are wonderful!

This makes 8 servings (for our family, it was more like 6 servings because everyone wanted a little more).  Allow yourself plenty of time because it does take a little while to assemble and over an hour for the baking and the standing.  It's well worth the time.  Trust me.  This is going in our family favorites.  Bill was asking me to make it again before he was finished eating his first helping!

So here we go!  Preheat your oven to 450*.  Grab your 8" cast iron skillet.  It might be old like mine and say No. 8 on the bottom.  It might be new and I don't know what it will say.  If you don't have a cast iron skillet, what the hell are you waiting for?  Go get one. Now. I'll wait.

Line the skillet with 10 bacon slices.  Don't use thick-cut bacon because it won't cook through.  Don't use more than 10 slices because you need to position the slices in a sort of pinwheel.  You've got to bunch up the ends of the bacon so they're not overlapping.  (See? I told you a picture would be helpful here. Go click on that link up there.)  The bacon strips will start at the center of the skillet, go across the bottom and up the side, with about a third of each strip hanging over to the outside of your skillet.

Sprinkle 2 Tablespoons minced fresh thyme over the bacon.  I used to think that dried herbs were just fine... until I tried fresh.  I still use a lot of dried herbs, but I use fresh whenever I can.  It really does make a huge difference in flavor.  If you don't have fresh thyme, I'd say about two teaspoons of dried thyme would do it.  Don't sprinkle it just on the bacon.  Cover the whole bottom of the skillet.

Slice up about 3 Yukon gold potatoes.  Make them thin, but not paper-thin. I used the "2" setting on my mandolin slicer and it was perfect, but I probably could have gotten away with the "3" setting.  Layer those potatoes over the bacon and thyme.  Don't get crazy about it, but make that layer as even as possible.  Grate up 1/4 cup Gruyere cheese and sprinkle it over the potatoes.  Gruyere is a smoky Swiss cheese, but it doesn't taste like the Swiss cheese we all know around here.  If you live in Chillicothe, you can find Gruyere in the deli section at Kroger on Bridge Street.  If you can't find Gruyere, I would say a smoky sharp Cheddar cheese would be a good stand in.

Season the skillet with however much salt and pepper you like.  I didn't use much salt at all, but went a little heavier on the pepper because we like it.  Now take about 1-1/2 cups of cooked shredded chicken (see my tangent about that below) and spread it around your skillet.  Put another 1/4 cup shredded Gruyere on there.  You're about halfway done!

Clean up 3 leeks by cutting off the green tops and rinsing any sand out/off.  Cut off the root part and slice up the whites.  I used my mandolin again, on the same setting I used for the potatoes, and put all three leeks standing up in the holder at once.  Layer those leeks, 2-3 minced garlic cloves, 3 more sliced potatoes, salt and pepper to your liking, and a final 1/4 cup Gruyere into the skillet.  You should now have a pretty full skillet!

Fold the hanging parts of the bacon to the center of the skillet.  Again, don't let them overlap.  You'll have to bunch up the ends so they're touching, but not overlapping.  At this point, I just realized that the recipe tells you to cook it on the stovetop for about 10 minutes.  I didn't do that part and mine was cooked through, top to bottom.  Some bits were even stuck to the bottom of the skillet, so I probably would skip this when I make it again, too.

Cover your skillet with foil, transfer it to your preheated oven, and roast for 30 minutes.  Remove the foil and roast, uncovered, another 30 minutes.  Remove the skillet from the oven to a cooling rack or trivet and let it stand for 10 minutes.  Drain the drippings and run a knife around the edge of your skillet.  You can serve it from the skillet (preferred) or turn it out onto a platter.  Be warned, though, some of the bacon and other yummy goodness sticks to the bottom of the skillet, so you'll miss out on that if you flip it out.  I cut it into wedges, which kind of worked for us to gauge portions (mostly for my carb-counting), but don't expect it to stay in wedge form on the plates.  If you don't have to be picky about portion control, you could serve it casserole-style with a spoon.

If Emeril was here, I know he would say BAM!!

Surprisingly, one-eighth of this meal-in-one-pan has only 386 calories, 24 g fat (9g saturated fat) (damn you, delicious bacon), 62 mg cholesterol, 417mg sodium (ugh. I'll skip the extra salt next time), 22g carbohydrates, 2g fiber, and 19g protein.  I served it with a mixed-greens salad.

I'm amazed at how flavorful this is without any more seasoning than it has. It's melt-in-your-mouth, craving-in-the-middle-of-the-night, family-favorite, share-the-recipe-not-the-leftovers goooooood!

Extra tangent about the chicken:  I went to Sam's Club yesterday and bought two whole chickens for just under $8.  I put one in the freezer and cooked one for 30 minutes (no seasoning at all) in the microwave using my Deep Covered Baker.  From that one chicken, I got two 1-1/2 cup freezer bags of shredded chicken (one for this Grape Pickers Skillet and one for my freezer so I can make it again).  I also got an extra cup of shredded chicken that I'm going to use for Chicken Pesto & Tomato Flatbread later this week.  That's THREE meals worth of chicken for about $4 and 45 minutes worth of time.  Amazing.

Also, I wanted to give a Diabeetus update:  I went to the doctor this week. My A1C is amazingly low at 6.5 (not in the normal range, but well below where the doctor and I expected it to be).  My blood glucose levels have ranged from 85 to 290 in the past few weeks and I haven't felt very well because of it.  I'm still learning to keep things on an even keel. *sigh*  The doctor suggested going back to the way I was eating when I originally was diagnosed because it seemed like things were more regulated for me that way.  That means 5-6 small meals per day.  Do you know how hard that is??  I have been doing it, though, for the past week-ish and I have been feeling better. *bigger sigh*  Am I too old to whine?  I will still take my occasional "diabetic holidays" where I eat a regular meal without thinking of carbs or sugar, which are a luxury that I have because I have Type 2 instead of Type 1.  If you don't know the difference between the two, I suggest looking it up just to discover the basics.  For most people, Type 2 Diabetes is avoidable.  For me, the doctors seem to be baffled about what caused it.  Luckily, I live in this information age where I can research, plan, and learn as much as I want.  There is no cure (not matter what Halle Berry, Biggest Loser, or anyone else says), but there certainly is control. :)

Italian Hoagies

Just a warning before you read this:  I'm not a recipe writer or a photographer.  I love to cook and I love to share recipes and my favorite food blogs always have pictures.  That's all.  So please forgive the weird spacing and such.  I'm still learning how to blog...  As I've said many times before, I'm a work in progress!  :)

The original post starts NOW!

I tried a new recipe tonight and Bill gave it two thumbs up, so here it is... (with pictures!)... (and extra recipes!)...

Italian Beef Hoagies (with 2 extra meals-worth of seasoned ground beef for your freezer)
Potato Chips in the Microwave
Sugar-free Coleslaw

Place 3 pounds of ground chuck in the Deep Covered Baker.  Chop 3 onions and add it to the meat in the Baker.  Throw in 3 cloves of minced garlic.  Don't worry about stirring anything and put the lid on the Baker.  Microwave on HIGH for about 7 minutes.

I should probably say here that you could also use a skillet to brown the meat, onions, and garlic. Using the Baker allows me the luxury of not feeling I have to stand over the meat or stir it a lot, which I tend to do because I'm a little impatient sometimes.


Meanwhile, slice a potato very thin (on blade setting 1 of  a mandolin slicer).  Place the potato slices on papertowels and pat them dry.  Leave them sitting on the papertowels.




By this time, the microwave has probably beeped, so stir to break up the cooked parts of the meat. It won't look very delicious right now, but it should smell pretty good. Return the Baker to the microwave and cook on HIGH for 4 more minutes.



While the meat continues to cook, make your slaw dressing.  Whisk together 1/4 cup mayo, 6-9 drops liquid Stevia extract, 1 Tablespoon red wine vinegar, and a pinch of dry mustard.  (I don't have a picture of that, but you get the idea...)


The microwave should be beeping again.  Take the meat out and place a third of it in a skillet.  Add 1 cup water, 1 teaspoon beef base, 2 Tablespoons red wine vinegar, 1 Tablespoon Italian seasoning, and 1 packet onion soup mix.  Stir it around over high heat, then let the mixture simmer until completely reduced.


Remember those potatoes resting on papertowels?  Well, put them on the Pampered Chef Microwave Chip Trays.  Sprinkle the potato slices with your preferred seasoning.  Tonight, I tried a small tray sprinkled with barbecue rub and a larger tray sprinkled with a little garlic salt and some pepper.  Microwave the trays on HIGH 3 minutes.



Mix about 2 cups of shredded cabbage and carrots (I buy a bag of it) into the dressing you whisked up earlier.

Don't forget to switch the potato chip trays and microwave on HIGH another 3 minutes.


And take a look at the meat in your skillet.  It should be simmering away and smelling wonderful.  Has the family started coming around to see what you're cooking?  It gets crowded in our kitchen sometimes near mealtime!

At this point, everything is getting done.  Go ahead and plate up some coleslaw (unless you want everyone to serve from the bowl, which is the way we do it when the kiddos are home).  You can throw some chips fresh from the microwave on the plates, too.

Now assemble your sandwiches--nothing fancy, just put it together like a sloppy joe.  I used whole wheat high fiber hoagie rolls.  Give each roll a generous amount of the meat mixture and a slice of provolone cheese.  This recipe makes four to six sandwiches, depending on how hearty your appetites are (and how big your spoon is).  Next to the chips and the coleslaw, it should look something like this...

I have to say that this was a deliciously flavorful meal that I will definitely make again!  The net carbs for half of a bun is 15g, the chips equal about half of a potato, and the slaw is essentially carb-less, making this a diabetic-friendly meal.  The only thing I would change is that I would make that fantastic broccoli, raisin, and bacon salad to make the plate more colorful and to add a greener vegetable.  Don't let that stop you, though ~ let me know if you decide to give any of it a try.  Enjoy!

P.S.  I forgot to tell you what to do with the other two-thirds of the meat!  Stick it in your freezer in two freezer bags.  To one bag, add 1 cup chunky salsa, 6 ounces tomato paste, 3/4 cup water, and 2 Tablespoons Chili Lime Rub, Chipotle Rub, or Taco seasoning.  (You'll use this one for a quick heat & eat taco meal that even the kiddos can throw together.)  To the other bag, you can add everything for the meat filling for some more Italian Hoagies, OR just add 2 Tablespoons Smoky Barbecue (or Smoky Applewood) Rub and 2 teaspoons cider vinegar.  (You'll use this one to heat & eat some Barbecue Beef Sloppy Joes.)  In about 30 minutes, you've got supper tonight and two more meals in your freezer. Easy-peasy!!

The Incredible Edible Egg

I tried. Again.  I just can't do eggs.  People think I'm crazy for not liking eggs.  I've tried them every way I can think of, but I just can't eat straight eggs.  This week, I made some little "egg muffins," which are like mini-strattas made in muffin tins.  Mine had turkey bacon, broccoli, cheese, chives, pepper, and eggs.  They looked great, smelled great, sounded great, but they weren't so great on the taste buds.  I don't think I screwed them up, I just think it's my aversion to eggs.

I do like scrambled eggs as long as they're not still yolky and it's an added bonus if they have plenty of cheese in them... and bacon on the side. (Hence, the reason I thought I'd like the aforementioned "egg muffins.")  I also like deviled eggs.  Sometimes I can even eat half of an egg salad sandwich because it tastes like deviled eggs on bread.  I can definitely eat eggs in a cake, in cookies, in fried rice, and sometimes even in a quiche or a stratta.  I love the idea and the smell of a fried egg sandwich or of a BLT with an egg added to it, but can't bring myself to actually enjoy such a thing.

I think all this dislike of eggs must stem back to a book I had when I was a kid that showed how a chick develops inside an egg.  I remember checking my eggs for signs of chick parts when I was a kid.  Why does that bother me?  I have no idea!  I love to eat chicken!  Damn books.

It doesn't bother me when other people eat eggs--the rest of my family loves them.  It does make me gag if someone tries to get me to taste, think, or talk about fried eggs as they're eating them.  What's that about??

Eggs are good for me.  Eggs are a fantastic source of protein.  Eggs are a quick and easy way to handle the most important meal of the day.  Eggs are incredibly edible... for other people.

I wonder if hypno-therapy would help...

True Love on Valentine's Day

My post on Facebook today:  Today, I was having a bad day. One of my students came up after class, hugged me, and told me she hoped my day got better. It did... right then. :)

And then I added:  "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." ~Leo Buscaglia

When I taught Kindergarten and 1st grade, I got hugs all the time.  I used to tell people that's why I kept teaching those little ones:  What other job could I have where every day someone (usually more than one someone) told me they loved me and that I was beautiful?  Where else would I receive so much love just by going into work each day?

Now I teach 6th grade.  Occasionally, I get compliments from students, but they don't come often and it's really more like "regular" working where it's generally unexpected and surprising every time.  I love my job for different reasons now. (I won't go into all that in this entry... maybe another time.)  It's the difference between working with 5-year olds and working with 12-year olds.  Both are trying to assert their independence, both are trying to figure out the world, both are learning new things every day without even realizing it.  The 5-year olds, though, aren't self-conscious pre-teens.  They give love so freely and without caring what others think of their shows of affection.  Sometimes when you're 12, it's very uncool to show affection... especially to a teacher.  Plus the teachers aren't as prone to be showing affection to kids that are as tall as they are (or often taller than they are, in my case).

So today, when J took just a quick moment of her time and hugged me in front of her peers and told me she hoped my day got better... wow.  It touched me more than I could have imagined it would, and probably more than she realizes.  I used to ask my own kiddos every day to tell me the best and the worst thing that happened at school.  Today my worst thing is hard to discern, but my best thing... that's easy.

*****
Since this is my Diabeetus blog, I probably should mention that the only chocolate I ate today was one piece from a box of sugar-free chocolates.  I ate relatively well and avoided all the Valentine's Day treats that float around a school on February 14th, then had supper with Bill and the kiddos at Chipotle.  I had a bowl instead of a burrito, chose brown rice (and asked for a half-portion of it). I had chicken, tomato salsa and corn salsa, sour cream, cheese, lettuce.  My blood sugar at this moment is 224.  Next time, I'll choose tomato OR corn salsa... and I probably don't need to eat the whole thing... and I could probably get rid of the cheese... I'm definitely a work in progress.

Wait!!  I forgot!  I did eat a chocolate covered strawberry that a co-worker offered me this morning.  *sigh*

Ugh. Damn Diabetes.

I just poured my heart out about all of my anger regarding my diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes, then deleted it accidentally. I don't know if I have it in me to type that part again...  Basically, I was really really pissed at myself and the world when I received my diagnosis back in September.  And I cried a lot.  (Poor Bill had to listen to that part... Sorry, Babe.  I love you all the more for being so constantly patient.)  I wasn't obese and I was in the middle of training for a half-marathon.  Let's just go from there...

Sooo, when the doctor told me to cut my carbs in half to see what it would do to my blood glucose levels, I really wanted to do just that. I really wanted to keep eating my favorite foods in moderation.  I really didn't want everyone to know I had Type 2 Diabetes.  And I especially did not enjoy the idea of taking insulin. I had already received my lifetime sentence of taking Metformin daily (to control my liver's urge to dump glucose into my body and make my cells more sensitive to the reduced amount of insulin my pancreas so lovingly still produces).  I was told that if I could lower my A1C (remember those PSAs you heard not long ago?) to around 7 in 90 days, I could skip the insulin for a while.  My A1C was 9.1 and the best ways to lower it are to either lose weight or lower your blood sugar consistently or do both.  I didn't listen to my doctor and I worked my ass off to get it down to 6.9 in just over 2 months.  After another month, which included holidays, it was only up to 7.

I don't think I fit the typical profile of someone with Type 2 Diabetes.  It doesn't run in my family.  I'm active. At my heaviest, just after Cami was born in 2000, I weighed 186.  I haven't weighed that since around the end of 2001.  Right now, I weigh less than I have since my early 20s.  Most people (even medical professionals) say, "You have Diabetes? Your not... well, you're just not who I thought would get it." They might even ask, "Are you sure? How do you know?" Then they give me that tight-lipped half-smile that you get when people feel sorry for you and don't know what to say. I know they're caring because I've given that same look to people before when bad news hit. I feel like I need to soothe them somehow, "It's okay. I don't have to take insulin or anything like that. I control it through my diet." Smile. Hug. "It really is fine. I can eat just about anything in moderation." Because who really wants to hear about all this crap?  I know I don't.

(In fact, feel free to stop reading any time. I truly won't be offended... I won't even know!)

Which leads me to this... I've completely stopped tracking my blood sugar levels unless I feel like something's wrong. For example, today I checked and it was 242. That's with eating healthy yesterday, skipping breakfast today, and eating a low-carb healthy lunch. *insert "Ugh!" here*  I couldn't believe it. That means my A1C is probably creeping up again to a number well above 7. When I say I worked my ass off to get that number down, I mean it. It pretty much consumed all of my free time--researching, making menus, creating a spreadsheet to count carbs in each food I love, making changes to my favorite recipes, worrying, crying, yelling. Then, as my doctor predicted (damn it, I hate when he's right) I got tired of doing it, so I stopped.

I have no idea what my A1C is now because I'm avoiding the test. That's right. I'm avoiding the test.

I've only known about my Diabetes for a few months and I'm already tired of talking about it, thinking about it, planning around it, poking my my fingers to check for it, blah, blah, blah.  I don't say that to make anyone feel sorry for me.  In fact, please don't give me your sympathy (read back a couple of paragraphs).  Just know that even though I'm feeling okay with it more often these days, I still have days like today when I feel really pissed off and whiny.  I feel like screaming, "Get out! Go away! Fuck you if you think you're going to control me!!" Then I realize that, right now, the Diabetes is in control.  Honestly, it always will be because it will always dictate what, how, and when I eat.

What can happen if I don't control it?  Well, nothing immediately, except that when my glucose levels are too low or too high I feel pretty crappy--dry mouth, headaches, lethargy.  I would just go on living my life like I always had before.  It's one of those diseases that people don't really realize unless you tell them or they notice you eating differently or something.  Then, one day, in the near or the distant future, I would notice little changes... my feet and hands would start feeling cold all the time and some of my toes or fingers might be numb.  I might get a sore on my leg that wouldn't heal.  My blood pressure and cholesterol would both be elevated.  I would probably have vision problems due to retinal nerve damage.  Think of it like my blood turning into thick sugar-syrup.  Imagine that trying to make it through narrow arteries, veins, and capillaries.  Stroke and heart disease are both more likely with Diabetes.  Also, I could miss out on being able to play with my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  I could miss out on spending more years with Bill--something I wouldn't want to miss for anything.

Why am I telling you, dear blog-reader, about this? Because I have to be held accountable. If I'm not posting here, it's probably because I'm not eating like I should. I ate a reasonable supper tonight and right this moment, my blood glucose is right around 140, which is higher than yours might be if you ate the same thing, but not too shabby for me.  Considering that it was over 100 points higher than that earlier today, I'm pretty proud of myself.  It proves that I can do something about this crazy disease.  It doesn't mean that every item on every plate for every meal every day has to be "diabetic friendly."  It means that, more often than not, I need to eat well, avoid refined sugar and flour, and think about what I'm putting in my body.  Don't expect to see me declining the Red Velvet Cheesecake that Cami requests for her birthday or the chance to share Sushi with Logan or the delicious Sweet William Blossom Boutique apples that Janet brings me... but I can make better choices for myself every day that will include better choices for the people I love.

I recently read this statement on someone's blog: "Well-controlled Diabetes is the leading cause of nothing."  So, Diabetes, get your ass ready. I'm going to keep kicking it!